Hey! Vsauce, cursed pale-skin here. It’s TIME *le clap* for the ROAST of Jacksepticeye. I put out on Twitter that I wanted you guys to roast me. It’s been a long time coming. A lot of you have jokes all the time. You like to meme, you like to make fun and I am here, to see what you have to offer. I want to be blasted. I want people to shit all over me. I basically want to end this video, because I’m crying so much and I feel so bad about myself, that I just can’t go on any longer. So I want some good jokes, I don’t want your–your pussy ass all green PewDiePie, copying Markiplier, “oh you’re too loud, your voice is weird”. That’s low-hanging fruit, okay. You guys are better than this. You guys are stronger. Prove me wrong. (reading tweet): “Really, relying on your viewers to give you content?”. “I guess we weren’t wrong when we called you green PewDiePie.” There it is. There is such an easy, roast. That’s not clever. Come up with something better, okay. This is your chance to get a few stabs in. Get the knife, go crazy, twist it, turn it. Plus, green PewDiePie was something I made up. That was something that I kept saying to Felix and everytime we met people on the streets, they asked if I was Jacksepticeye and I said “No, green PewDiePie.” “The only thing louder than your voice, was your hair, and now even that’s too boring to care about.” *nod* Okay. Decent effort, still low hanging fruit. You tried. *clap* Good effort. *bursts out laughing* Somebody just wrote “cunt.” *still laughing* Straight to the point! You didn’t even need to try and be clever. I like that a lot. I like, I like yours– your sass. I am a big regular old c-unt. “You’re always talking about your plus-one biceps, but all I see are plus-one bingo wings.” *high-pitch* OH! OW! Okay… *le sad music* *whimper* Low blow! Geez, man! Okay, it’s been hard, okay? Not at home, I don’t have my comfort foods anymore. “It’s funny how you said you were going to LA to hang out with friends. Although, I’m confused because how are you supposed to hang out with friends, if you don’t have any?” *sound of silence* *deepened* WOO! Big-oh, big boy insults coming out now. You had to dig deep for that one, didn’t ya? Mm-hmm. Can we get the fire department in here? Quick? Oh! It’s too much. It’s too much, oh… ROASTED! “Your voice is as loud as Markiplier’s ego is huge.” Wow, okay, I don’t think my voice will EVER be THAT loud. “You don’t need winter camouflage with that skin.” Wow, playing the race card so early on in the roast? Come on, Sharl, okay? Geez. I see you’re only looking at color. “Felix makes better, more original content.” Ho-ho. That’s just a lie. Plus, I’m getting all of you guys to give me the content for this video, so aren’t I basically just doing the exact same thing? “I looked up at the sky and thought I saw the moon, but it was actually your giant forehead.” (Laughs harder) Yes! Okay, finally, a good roast. *clap and chuckle* I don’t know why you used a picture of JacksFilms, though, to get your point across. “You majored in Hotel Management, yet you can’t even manage your own channel.” Joke’s on you, cuz I fuckin’ learned nothing in that class! There’s a reason I can’t manage anything. “You’re only popular because of Felix.” There it is. I knew the joke that we’re gonna come strong and heavy, very predictable everybody, but guys… they’re right. I would be nothing without Felix. After five years of doing this and 19 and a half million subscribers, it’s all because of that one shoutout Felix gave me all those years ago that we are where we are here today. Every night, I go to bed and I pray to the God, Felix. Thank you, O great Reddit reactor in the sky! Thank you for blessing us all these years! Also, I’ve never told people this before, but every month I send a check of $50,000 to Felix and he still won’t return to my calls. “He screamed so loud that it’s causing my hearing to get worse, and I’m all the way in Canada.” Wow, guys, okay? Really original roasts about how loud Jacksepticeye is. Wow, I’ve never heard that joke before! And you guys come to ME about original content? “75% of your subscribers lied about their age when they signed up for YouTube.” Wait. Are you telling me that the majority of the audience of my channel aren’t 60 plus years old? And here I was, making content for the geriatrics all this time, trying to put some sort of energy and gusto back into their lives. Cuz I’m gonna have to change my entire channel. “What does your green hair and YouTube channel have in common? They’re both dead and gone. I’m sorry, please forgive me.” You don’t apologize in a roast! You roast the person, you tear their ass open and look at their innards and then you wait to see what falls, you wait for reactions. You don’t apologize before I can read it, okay? You guys can’t even do this right! “You look like JacksFilms, but figured out how to grow facial hair.” *chuckles* That roasts him a lot more than it roasts me, okay? I don’t think you understood how this is supposed to go. Ethan says, “I used to be a huge fan of you, but then I got to know you and you really didn’t live up to my expectations.” I’m sorry, I don’t listen to unverified people. Plus, it would be easier to take you seriously if you didn’t copy everything I did. *sipp* “Jacksepticeye? More like… JacksepDICKeye!” Oh! Oh, call the ambulance! I have been blasted, roasted, melted and destroyed, I’m a BAKED potato now! Grandayy! Okay, you’re not allowed to murder people on Twitter. Can we have his account suspended, for violent acts against humanity? “You have a terrible accent.” Oh, really, James? Really? Coming from the American from Arizona? Really? These roasts suck! I don’t feel bad about myself. It’s all such obvious jokes, COME ON, PEOPLE! “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you drink a Guinness.” Oh, fuck… They’re on to me. How did you know? How did you know? I-I know, I’m a fraud. I’m a fake Irishman. Please, go easy on me, please I know everyone thought that I was fake already. It’s just been an act, everybody. Okay, I’m coming clean. I’m not actually Irish. I’m actually Yugoslavian. I’m sorry, okay? I’ve never drank a Guinness. “You’re about as quiet as Markiplier is humble. Bam! Twofer.” – Oh, my god! Cry. Okay gloves are off I see how it is. Tha-that does way more damage to American it does to me. Holy God, man “You have more voice cracks than my twelve-year-old brother in a single video and you’re pushing 30 Mr. Going grey and acts like his ten-year-old viewers. Is your life so bad that you need a break from playing your video games and crying into a camera Or was it because you realized you’re only here because of a PewDiePie shoutout and you’re sad cuz that’s the only reason you have friends.” Oh man Yes! going for the jugular This is the stuff. I like to see. Okay good stuff Good roast, very good roast. I’ll give you that one. Though, that the crying into the camera thing You mix me up with somebody else. “You’re not even worth the effort to bother roasting.” Harrison, that’s a lazy answer for someone who doesn’t even have anything good to say “Unlike Mark, you have no personality. You’re as dull as dishwater, even in your old days. No one believes your ‘nice guy’ routine and o one ever will.” haha That’s cute. You think Mark’s real. But no, you’re right, you know after five years of doing this It’s finally coming out. I’m glad we have this roasts video to really get to know the real jacksepticeye This ‘nice guy’ routine is all rubbing off. You know, I can’t keep it up anymore. The facade is down everybody I’m actually an asshole. I do all these charity streams every month and I interact with people all the time. It’s all a front I never actually mean any of it I’m sorry that I’ve let you all astray. “You have small eyes and you are short and that makes me angry.” Whoa Hold on a minute is that Max Mofo? Is that the massive legend? Opener of Pokemon Trading Cards? Max, I love you “I bet you aren’t even Scottish” Yeah, you got me there. “Just like Shrek you were better when you were green” I agree. Brown hair Shrek and brown hair Jack, I sleep. Green Shrek and green hair Jack, That’s that real shit. I agree. This is much better. Look at this iconic duo, name a better one. “Wow, your ideas are so overrated that you had to steal one from PewDiePie” Did you realize I did one with him at that time? And it was kind of like a joke We messaged each other about it. (clap)Keep (clap)up. (keeps clapping)This is bad roasting. Now I’m doing the claps. Now I get why Felix does it Maybe I am PewDiePie. “You short twisted headed fucking twat, your hair is more fucked up than Deji’s and he doesn’t really have any hair, when with when will Neil Armstrong say that that’s one small step for man and one giant Forehead for an Irishman. You’re an alcoholic get help. Is this why you created PMA?” Wow, okay. Mr Kinky 69, okay Someone reached into the big-boy jar today and found a whole bunch of words that they don’t know what it means When an attempt was made Which I can appreciate. More than 90% of the rest of the people in this ‘roast’ It’s pretty easy so far. “I bet you have Ligma.” Actually guys, no. I went to the doctor yesterday and he said I had a serious case of Bopha It’s- it’s very serious it’s stage two Bopha and he says that I only have about 65 years left to live It hit me just as hard as is hitting all of you right now I know. “To add on, you’ll always be just under Markiplier in subs; and he just made a video where he laughed at the word Poopy for multiple minutes.” doesn’t really roast me doesn’t this say more about his audience than it does anything about me? I’m fine with that. “Same size forehead as jacksFilms.” Holy shit, you guys It’s true. I never thought about it before but we are the same person. PewDiePie was right and also Neither of our real names are Jack. Oh shit. The conspiracy goes deep, and I’m not even Irish “Wear something other than black for a change.” Haha. FUCK. Okay. You got me with that one. Okay Called out man don’t expose me like that Ava, Jesus. I wear black more than Batman does at this point. “Where were you born on, a highway? Because that is where most accidents happen.” haha Good effort. Yes, very nice. “I thought of you today. It reminded me to take the garbage out.” Oh, that’s an easy one. Did you remember to take out half the community as well? Because these roasts are trash. “If I had a dollar for every time you were obnoxious, I’d hire a professional to teach you how to play the drums.” Yayyyy! A good one! Nicely done Kota. I like you. “You remind me of myself.” Oh God. Oh Ohh! Ow! It’s the worst one so far wait, come on man, we’re all having fun here We’re not trying to actually kill each other “You were only relevant when you had green hair because it matched your branding. Now you’re just getting old and worn out. Let the young people with fresh new ideas take over.” No Because the youth don’t have any fucking good ideas. The last time the youth got a good idea was eating Tide Pods. So no, thanks. Also, big words for somebody who has me in their banner and as a pinch tweet dressed as Spider Man Says a lot about you Megan. “Your head looks like a green flat dildo” “Is it as weak as that jawline?” oh you mean this Powerful, Irish jawline ready to go fight the leprechauns out in the bog with a big lump of oak. Yeah This is a powerful jawline for a real alpha And you said ‘sorry’ afterwards and you’re out here trying to call me weak. “You look like an old man who brags about having a lot of money, but actually is a Youtuber and we all know how money is going for them right now.” Damn, exposed again You guys know how much I love bragging about how much money I have. I do it all the time, you know, showing off my house, my cars, all the things I buy for myself I just can’t help myself. “Oh god. Oh god. Okay. No, no, no, no, no no and there. Okay, perfect” Really? You had to make a video and 12 seconds of it to just say too loud? That was all just for a loud voice joke again? Come on Robert. Though,you did make a Septiplier song. So, I shouldn’t expect much from you. “Felix makes better, more original content.” “You’re just a bad green version of PewDiePie.” “You are just a green PewDiePie.” “Yeah weak like your subscribe count and you wouldn’t even get those subscribes without PewDiePie because you’re just like him with a stupid accent pendejo.” You know what guys, I’m disappointed. I thought that would actually be some quality roasts in this. I thought this would be your one chance, To really go for it, really make something of yourselves and really show how much value you have to put into the world. And all you did was left me disappointed I’m not sad, I’m not upset, I didn’t get burned. Now, if you’ll excuse me I have some youtubers to copy and some checks to send. I’m going to go call PewDiePie right now and ask him for a second shout out and more exposure *In a deeper voice* Well, thank you everybody so much for watching and I will see you in the next video Buh byeeee! Bro fist! That was fun! Heheh.