The Harshest Burns from the Roast of Donald Trump


– All jokes aside,
though, I was thrilled when they offered me
the opportunity to roast such a brilliant, charismatic, totally self-made
billionaire who I believe will one day run this country. (audience member cheers) Then the Facebook guy
canceled, and we got stuck with your bloated ass. (audience laughs)
(high energy music) Tonight, we honor a
self-made millionaire. He started with
nothing, worked hard, and made a fortune. That man is Fred
Trump, Donald’s dad. (audience laughs and applauds) But even when you’re
born with a silver spoon in your mouth, hard
times can strike, and that’s just what
happened to Donald. He was even forced into the
ultimate act of degradation, starring in his
own reality show. (audience laughs) And soon, the top-rated
TV show in the nation starred a total asshole
torturing people who were stupid enough
to work with him. In addition to Two
and a Half Men, The Apprentice was also
a pretty popular show. (audience laughs) This guy has an ego. When Trump bangs a
supermodel, he closes his eyes and imagines he’s jerking off. (audience laughs and applauds) And now Donald, let’s get
our first roaster up here to knock you down like
the homeless shelter you had destroyed
on the way here. – Oh my god.
(audience laughs) – I know we’re here
to roast Donald Trump, but I gotta give a shout
out to my main man, Larry King in the
motherfucking house. (audience laughs and applauds) Larry, you know how we is. Larry is cool, but backstage
I handed him a joint, and he rubbed BENGAY into it. (audience laughs and applauds) Hey yo, wassup? FYI, ain’t no niggas
watching The Cleveland Show. (audience laughs and applauds) From me to you. Lisa is a stone cold freak. (audience laughs) Lisa fucked Larry King,
Don King, Rodney King, and Billie Jean King in
a Burger King bathroom. (audience laughs) This is an ugly business, man. I mean, look at Jeff Ross. (audience laughs) He’s one ugly motherfucker. (audience laughs) Now when Jeff was born, his
mother shit during the delivery, and when she looked down,
she thought she had twins. (audience laughs and applauds) That’s why he’s so corny. (audience laughs) I gotta say a few more
things about my girl Snooki over there. (audience laughs) Oh, that ain’t Snooki? Oh, my bad, I’m sorry. All white people who act
black look alike to me. (audience laughs) Hey man, stop
lifting your shirt up like a prison bitch, or
else go out on the corner and get me some
motherfucking money before I go upside your
head with this coat hanger. (audience laughs and cheers) Now from me to you,
Donald, I wish I had half of your money,
but for that, you need a 20 year old’s
pussy and a divorce lawyer. (audience laughs and groans) Now I may not have
half his paper, but I got twice the dick,
and you can believe that. (audience laughs) Donald’s said he wants
to run for president and move on into
the White House. Why not? It wouldn’t be the
first time you pushed a black family
out of their home. (audience laughs,
groans and applauds) – Situation from
the Jersey Shore. You have a book out! Amazon said customers
who bought this book also bought a rope and a stool. (audience laughs) Donald, tonight people will
make fun of your looks. Fuck ’em! You’ve always gotten
beautiful women. You’ve disappointed more
women than Sex and the City 2. You are the ultimate
proof that money can buy good-lookin’ pussy. (audience laughs) If you were broke,
you’d be fucking me. (audience laughs) – This is my career. It’s come to this. (audience laughs) If you’re just joining
us, by the way, we’re here with Lisa Lumpybelly. (laughs) Lisa is a shock comic, but
only if you look at her face. (laughs) Situation has a new fragrance
out called The Sitch, which is also what
you call yourself when you can’t spell
your own nickname. (audience laughs) To prepare for this event,
I read Jeff Ross’ book about roasts. Jeff, my last
prenup was funnier. (audience laughs) And unlike you, I
wrote it myself. (audience laughs and applauds) Donald Trump, without a doubt,
you’re a New York landmark, which means it’s
only a matter of time until you bulldoze
yourself to build some bawdy, tacky monstrosity
and put your name on it. – Mike, you’re doing
really well right now. You’ve got a ton of
endorsement deals. You’ve got a cologne, a
vodka, a workout video. I mean, you’ve got your
name on everything, except a high school diploma. You know, they say you only
roast the ones you love. So this is gonna be short. (audience laughs) You know, at first, I
thought Seth was just famous for The Family Guy, but
then I did some research. He’s actually not famous at all. (audience laughs) Donald, you’ve got a
great sense of humor. You’ve been so happy
to embarrass yourself on Saturday Night Live,
and the casino business. (audience laughs) Donald Trump is
such a douchebag, (audience laughs) that if you look up the word
douchebag in the dictionary, there’s a picture
of Spencer Pratt, but if you look
close, Spencer Pratt is holding up a picture
of Donald Trump. (audience laughs) – [Mike] Hey, Jeff
Ross, what’s up, man? – What’s up, buddy? – Jeff, me and you have
a lot in common, buddy. – [Jeff] What’s that? – We’re both from
Jersey, and tonight, it’s my first
night doing comedy. (audience laughs and applauds) Well. – It’s also your last
night, just so you know! (audience laughs and applauds) – As you can see,
I’ll be speaking with the help of my
signer this evening, and to be honest, I’m
a little self-conscious about my voice,
because I’ve been told by thousands of people
that when I speak, it sounds like Whitney Cummings
with a dick in her mouth. (audience laughs and applauds) I guess I’m the perfect
choice for this roast, because like The
Situation, I, too, have never heard the
sound of laughter. (audience laughs and applauds) And of course, over
there is the legendary roast master general, Jeff Ross. Can you believe that he
actually asked me out? I said, “Jeff, I’m
deaf, not blind!” (audience laughs and applauds) I have to say,
it’s such a thrill to be up here with an esteemed
peer, like Lisa Lampanelli. I won the Oscar
for best actress, and Lisa won Best in
Breed at the county fair. (audience laughs and applauds) Marlee, I can’t do this anymore! She’s an Oscar-winning
actress, and I can’t do this. I’m outta here, see you later! (audience applauds) – But can anyone
else speak for me? Hello?
– I will be of assistance! (audience applauds and cheers) I will be happy to sign for
the great Marlee Matlin! (audience cheers) Ah, the Hammerstein Ballroom. Speaking of ballroom,
Mister Trump, how are those SPANX holding up? (audience laughs) Donald always says money
can’t buy happiness, but it can buy the best
Eastern European whores New York City has to offer! Did I get that right? (audience laughs and applauds) – Sounds good to me. – Anthony Jeselnik is
making his first appearance on the roast. This is the first someone
has lost their virginity around Donald Trump
without him having to promise them
American citizenship. (audience laughs and groans) People make fun
of The Situation. They make fun of the
fact that he’s always lifting up shirt
to show his abs. I endorse it. In fact, Mr. Situation, I
suggest you lift up your shirt even higher so that it
covers this situation. (audience laughs and groans) Lisa Lampanelli is here. Lisa, thanks for
making time to be here. I know you’re very
busy starring in I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant. (audience laughs) Donald, you are gross. Nobody likes you, but you
came back every couple years and nobody knows why. You’re like the McRib. (audience laughs and applauds) Donald Trump, you are known
for your terrible haircut, and now I can see why. Your hair sucks. You look like Justin
Bieber caught on fire. (audience laughs) You’re obviously very rich. Donald Trump is literally
rolling in dough, which means he
knows what it’s like to fuck Lisa Lampanelli. (audience laughs) You got Melania a huge 12
karat diamond engagement ring. You should not have
gotten her a diamond. Now she knows what hard
is supposed to feel like. (audience groans and applauds) – This is exciting, Trump. Are you having a good time? – [Trump] Good time. – All right, well,
tell your face. (audience laughs) Larry, I love you. You’ve been a great
sport tonight. Give him some love. (audience cheers and applauds) The former hunchback of CNN. (audience laughs) His first caller was
Alexander Graham Bell. The first time Larry covered
an uprising in Egypt, he interviewed Moses. (audience laughs) Larry asked him if he
thought the whole thing was a pyramid scheme. (audience laughs) I love Larry. He recently quit his show. He plans on spending his
retirement opening a jar. (audience laughs) Whitney, thanks for yelling
your act at us like always. (audience laughs) This is the first time
Marlee’s glad she’s deaf. Snoop Dogg, he’s
smoked so much weed he actually had to
write a song called, “Hey, What’s My
Motherfucking Name?” (audience laughs) The Situation is here for you. I’m looking forward
to the cancellation. (audience laughs) I heard the next season
of the Jersey Shore is gonna be shot in
Italy, is that right? I hope that’s just a sneaky
way of deporting you. (audience laughs and applauds) Donald, doesn’t
it drive you crazy that you’ll never
build anything as high as me and Snoop right now? Donald’s ego is so big,
he videotapes himself masturbating, and then
masturbates to that video. (audience laughs and applauds) Greg Giraldo, roast in peace. Thank you very much,
ladies and gentleman. (crowd cheers and applauds) (high energy music)

100 Comments

  1. The Roast of Alec Baldwin premieres September 15 on Comedy Central. See who will be roasting Alec here:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePp-8vOmmdk

  2. Wtf are Americans doing omfg

  3. Bro he's going to build a wall but his name on it been his plan all along since he was a kid

  4. And ever since this day he became president 😂😂😂

  5. I honestly dont see why people hate him

  6. Opening statement,,,, oh how right you were!

  7. I NOTICED THESE BRAVE MOFO'S DID THIS WITHOUT POTUS IN THE PLATFORM. POTUS CAN TROLL AND DRILL!

  8. Hollywood loved him till he put an R in front of his name.

  9. I hate t-rump and will not give him any of my attention, even though they are roasting him.

  10. At 1:01 Trump looks like
    "You go onto my list as well'

  11. Little did they know they were just preparing the hero for battle.

  12. Whitney Cummings is my type of woman. My wife also has long dark hair. That's why I'm a happy man.

  13. the way melania laughs. guess trump couldn’t carry a BLANK strap either 8:18

  14. They should have a second roast for Trump when he leaves office, only this time, there will no roasting, only buckets of shit thrown at him.

  15. Only a total masochist or a goddamn psycho would bring his family to a roasting event and get them the worst embarrassment of their lives… You pick which one of two is Donald… 😀

  16. ivanka was enjoying how someone could finally roast that motherfucking dickhead

  17. Trump 2020

  18. They all sucked that dick till that dick became president 😂😂

  19. At first I thought that was Gilbert Gottfried speaking in his normal voice but when that guy walked off & the real Gilbert walked on I was really shocked.

  20. Bruh

  21. Trump be right about immigration shit California already fucked

  22. Who likes or dislikes president Donald Trump ?if you dislike him comment saying why you dislike him.

  23. I have never been more scared in my life

  24. "No niggas is watching the cleveland show." I died.

  25. This was after he announced that he was going to run in 2012 and failed. Why didn't we roast him again?! Even Russia couldn't have saved him!

  26. Love you trump

  27. is this the reunion of illuminati

  28. Seth knew what would Happen 👀

  29. Snoop snoop be roasting Donald all the way

  30. Lame weak roasts.
    Nothing even comes close to Anthony Jelenik.

  31. This is gold

  32. When no one called him racist.

  33. Who's the deaf lady? She fucking rocks.

  34. Man Seth MacFarlane is the king of this stuff, idk why he doesn't do them more he's incredible

  35. First time I saw Melania laugh. I’m serious.

  36. The very first joke had me weak

  37. Secth is Really Amazing tbh….. Jamaica Loves Family Guy btw✊🙏

  38. SNOOOOOOOP 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  39. Alright well tell your face

  40. Jeff Ross with hair.

  41. Cheap

  42. trump thinks this is funny bitxh they were dead serious people hate his ass he is the worst president in modern history how the fuck you are worst than Nixon.

  43. This is atleast 10-26% OF why donald became president 45…

  44. why snoop and lari made a show? cuz weed*inteligence(infinity) >>> inteligence*(infinity) (and no dont .. )

    EDINT thats why he won the elections… some of u didnt know it other did…

  45. Back when Jeffrey Ross had hair … can't seem to get used to him without hair .

  46. You can just TELL how internally mad he is and it's soooo great

  47. 0:07 damn the Simpson's predicted the future nor the maker of family guy's doing it

  48. Melania laughed at that dick joke because she wishes she could say it.

  49. who is the girl on 9:33 ?

  50. Snoop meant everything he said to Donald 😂💯 respect

  51. For God sake please bring Gordon Ramsey
    Baddest of them all

  52. Now he's actually the fucking President so I guess he got the last laugh….let's not fuck this up again in 2020 ppl

  53. Wheres the situations bad set?

  54. Marlee maitlan was awesome. Or whoever wrote her jokes. They were funny.

  55. Donald Trump gets altimers hey why would they say this to me that's it he says now with 3 steps 1.mean tweet 2.tweet invites everybody into his trump tower 3. AIRPLANE

  56. Back when they were all “friends.”

  57. that will one day run this country…nice call Seth McFarland

  58. I feel like Trump didn't even comprehend half the roasts he just went along with it

  59. https://youtu.be/oNvmP0UgJIE <———— proof that this video is in fact from 2011

  60. That they show part of the situation and none of donald talks by itself #impeachtheunfunny

  61. It wouldn’t be the first time you pushed a black family out o they’re home – snoop dog

  62. 6:57 is fucking hilarious.

  63. 9:36 He was challenged to bulid something higher than Snoop…💀💀🌚

  64. This supposed to be for fun but that last joke by snoop was real af u could here it in his voice

  65. Audience actually like n support trump lmao sad

  66. Trump announced he was running for president on this. Crazy he wasn’t joking.

  67. Lisa lumpy belly

  68. Snoop dogg did it again hahahhaha

  69. I know that where Chinese counterfeiting copies from, here, they only know stealing then monetize it all..

  70. Funny how they all hate him now

  71. u can tell i ivanka and melania are trying to hold back laughs lol

  72. 8:23 melania smiled like “ u right whitney, u right”

  73. Trump is so rude, crude and socially unacceptable. He is totally a racist.

  74. Trump 2020 baby!

  75. "That's why he's so corny" 😂💀

  76. How can you roast the president WTF

  77. Many comedians mysteriously disappeared that night.

  78. They should bring Paul chowdhry on one of these

  79. god damnit i love jeff ross

  80. When no one gave 2 shits about trump

  81. Trump looks like hes gonna murder someone

  82. ANYONE ELSE SHOCKED DONALD TRUMP WAS ACTUALLY THERE IM SUPRISED ????

  83. Snoop is dope

  84. That joke bout bengay was actually hilarious.

  85. half this shit is probably true 😂

  86. The fact that Donald Trump didn’t laugh a single time in this entire time is… scary

  87. And when things get real and he becomes the front runner of the republican party… all these people were turned on him including all the celebrities in the audience

  88. Snoop kill that shit, fuck trump

  89. Roasting a Cheeto damn

  90. I can’t believe any of these people are still alive

  91. It was all funny and cool until he went against DemoctRat communists and everything became offensive and not funny

  92. Greetings from the UK. That cunt snooping dog ain't fit to lick trumps ase. It's a nobody.? Candice Owens speaks the only truthfull word

  93. Hahaha what a bunch of two faced fucks

  94. #ImpeachTrump the worst, most corrupt, fraudulent person "elected" to presidency.

  95. Roast em or eat em raw

  96. 3:20 actually"sex and the city" the Mandela effect at it's finest lmao

  97. Damn, I literally thought to myself through the rest of the video about how cold, but true Snoops roast was. You know how people say “it’s not personal” well god damn Snoop made that so fucking personal😂😂💯💯

  98. America is this real ?

  99. They cut the Anthony's best joke that kicked off his career from this roast.

  100. wen is this from

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