Kids Roast Battle with Jeff Ross


[ LAUGHTER ] I MENTIONED THE ROASTMASTER GENERAL, JEFF ROSS, IS HERE WITH US TONIGHT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] YOU MAY KNOW JEFF FROM ALL THE COMEDY CENTRAL ROASTS. HE HAS THE COMEDY CENTRAL ROAST OF BRUCE WILLIS ON SUNDAY NIGHT, AND HE’S THE HOST OF THE SHOW “ROAST BATTLE” ON THAT NETWORK TOO. “ROAST BATTLE SEASON 3” PREMIERES TUESDAY. THIS IS A FUN SHOW, A ONE ON ONE INSULT MATCH, COMEDIANS GO BACK AND FORTH ON STAGE TRADING BRUTAL BLOWS ABOUT EACH OTHER. COMEDIANS ARE ALL ADULTS BUT WE THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE FUN TO TRY THIS SAME IDEA OUT WITH KIDS. SO WE SENT JEFF OUT ON HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD TO MEET SOME KIDS, TO PAIR THEM OFF AND TEACH THEM TO INSULT EACH OTHER.>>HAPPY SUMMERTIME, YOU GUYS READY TO ROAST?>>YEAH!>>WHEN I WAS A KID I GOT BULLIED. ONLY WAY I COULD STOP THE BULLYING WAS TO ROAST THE BULLY BACK. YOU GUYS WANT TO LEARN HOW TO ROAST EACH OTHER?>>YES!>>WHO WANTS TO GO FIRST? COME OUT HERE, COME OUT HERE, BRING YOUR BROTHER.>>BATTLE, BATTLE, BATTLE, BATTLE!>>LET’S ROAST!>>BOY, YOU’RE SO UGLY, HELLO KITTY SAID GOOD-BYE.>>OH! THAT’S A GOOD ONE.>>ALL RIGHT, WELL AT LEAST I DON’T LOOK LIKE SOMEONE PICKED ME UP OUT OF A TRASH CAN. >>OH!>>THAT’S A PRETTY GOOD ONE. >>THIS IS REAL BROTHER ON BROTHER STUFF RIGHT NOW. >>YEAH, IT IS. >>THIS GUY’S GOT HIS HAND UP, COME OVER HERE. >>YOU LOOK LIKE E.T.>>BOY, YOU LOOK LIKE A MAN THAT HAS NO ABILITY.>>A MAN WHO HAS NO ABILITY?>>I’VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOU!>>WHAT?>>IT’S A SHORT JOKE, CHRISTIAN.>>I DON’T GET IT. >>YOU DON’T GET IT?>>BECAUSE I AM SHORT?>>YEAH.>>BATTLE, BATTLE, BATTLE!>>LOOK AT HIM, LOOK AT THOSE PINK SNEAKERS, COME ON, GET HIM.>>WHY ARE YOU WEARING MOM’S SNEAKERS?>>I BORROWED THEM FROM YOU.>>HOW COME YOU’RE WEARING MY WELT?>>HOW COME YOU’RE WEARING A BIG CHAIN?>>BECAUSE I WANTED TO BUY IT. >>THIS IS TOO REAL. >>THE CHAIN’S NOT, THOUGH. >>THE CHAIN’S NOT REAL, OH!>>WHY ARE YOU WEARING THE CURTAIN FROM GRANDMA’S HOUSE?>>OH!>>IT’S CALLED FASHION. SOMETHING YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND.>>OH!>>NO, IT’S CALLED UGLY.>>OH!>>YOU KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT UGLY EVERY TIME YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR. >>OH!>>ANY VOLUNTEERS, ANYBODY WANT TO ROAST ME REAL QUICK?>>TELL ME WHY YOUR SHIRT LOOKS LIKE A 5-YEAR-OLD TRIED TO DRAW A SUNSET.>>OH!>>TAKE OFF YOUR HAT. I THINK I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY TEETH, CAN I CHECK?>>OH! YOU GOT ME, YOU GOT ME.>>I CAN SEE YOUR NIPPLES THROUGH YOUR SHIRT, YOU NEED TO GET A BIGGER SIZE — OH, WAIT, THEY DON’T HAVE ONE. >>OH!>>COME ON, WHAT DO YOU GOT ON ME?>>IT’S IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SUMMER, WHY ARE YOU WEARING HALLOWEEN CLOTHES?>>OH! LET ME HAVE IT, WHAT ABOUT THIS BALD HEAD?>>YOU SHOULD HAVE SHAVED IT MORE SO I COULD SEE YOUR BRAIN.>>WHAT DO YOU MISS MORE, YOUR SLEEVES OR YOUR TEETH?>>OH!>>BOBBY, CAN I HAVE A HUG? THAT WAS AWESOME, BUD. YOU KILLED IT, BUD.>>BATTLE, BATTLE!>>SIGNING OFF, THIS IS JEFF ROSS, HAPPY ROASTING, EVERYBODY!>>BATTLE, BATTLE! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>Jimmy: I LIKE IT. I THINK THAT COULD BE A THING, RIGHT? ALL RIGHT. THANKS TO JEFF ROSS.

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