Look at this place. It’s like you guys got to 1958
and said, “[Bleep] it.” [ Laughter and applause ] “[Bleep] it. We’re good.” Yeah, man.
I love it down here. You know, I actually
have roots down here. I got roots with the cartels. That’s right, I’m el Chapo’s
Jewish cousin, el Cheapo. Brownsville is a heck
of a town, man. You guys really… it’s a beautiful place,
beautiful people, but it’s hard here, man. I can’t imagine living in a town with a fence running
right through my town. I got lonely last night. I went on Tinder, and I swipe with somebody
on the other side of the wall. That’s the biggest [Bleep]
block in history. I didn’t let that stop us,
though. 3:00 a.m., we met over there
by the bushes. We both kind of pressed up
against the wall, and I entered her illegally. [ Laughter ] And we had a three-way
with an armadillo. The armadillo is here tonight.
What’s up, buddy? How you doing, man? Look at the size of this guy.
How you doing, brother? Wow.
What are you celebrating? Cinco de mayonnaise? Damn.
This guy. Thanks for coming off
the wall, Humpty. I appreciate you, man. Where my Border Patrol at? [ Scattered cheers and whistles
from rear ] [ Laughter ] Let me give the Border Patrol
a little advice. If you want to catch people
coming into the country illegally, don’t write “Border Patrol”
across your truck. Write “Cold beer and free
blow jobs” in Spanish. See if business doesn’t
pick up a little bit. Now I hear they want to add
5,000 more Border Patrol. 5,000 more,
can you imagine that? At that point,
they won’t need a wall. They can just stand arm-to-arm
and form a human wall. Red rover, red rover,
don’t let Pedro come over. I came down to Brownsville
because this is the front line of the immigration war
in America right now. I’m here out of solidarity. I don’t want people
around America to not know how hard this struggle is, so, you know, the situation
is very [Bleep] up right now. I heard yesterday, they deported
an 8-year-old Guatemalan girl and her three kids. [ Laughter ] I’m all about bringing
people together. Fences keep people apart. Personally, I don’t think
we need a wall. I don’t think we need a wall
for $21 billion. $21 billion dollars
to build a wall right there. For that kind of money, we could
send everybody in Mexico $1,000 to stay there. “No come-o Estados Unidos,
por favor?” “No problem, [Bleep].” But on the bright side, the Olympic Mexican
pole-vaulting team is number one
in the world right now.